You are the only one who looks at me and doesn't turn away.

The aromatic smell of coffee wafted from the bathroom, which was the most dreaded room in my apartment. Looking today at my reflection I saw my sagging skin had come down near my elbows from my underarms. I slowly, painstakingly, lifted up my underarm to put on more deodorant. I slipped my sleeve down again. I clung to my walker and started the slow process of walking to my couch.

I had left the door open so Joy could come into my apartment without me having to get up again. I was so looking forward to seeing her for my birthday celebration. Being around three hundred and sixty pounds, I did not know how many more I would see.

My phone rang and my mind started to regret that I had not taken the time to shower and change. Joy was coming up now. Grease lined my short hairs which stood up unkempt at the back and sides especially. I smelled a musty odor coming from my jogging outfit and the stench of urine.

Joy came in brimming with a smile as she looked at me and she exclaimed, "Happy birthday Judy! Here is your coffee!" She handed me a cup of coffee prepared exactly how I liked it and she sat down. She talked about loving things that were going on in her life. My thoughts raced to wishing I had made similar choices in my life.

"Judy, today my gifts to you are going to give us a great time together! We are going out to lunch. You can use your wheelchair." she explained.

"First you are going to shower."she said. She pulled out a dress with burgondy roses on it and fresh smelling. Joy had always shopped at thrift stores so she could give more. There was some rose smelling body wash and rosemary herbal shampoo.

Every ounce of my being wanted to say no, but Joy had prepared so much. I went and got some fresh underwear and an incontinent pad. Slowly I undressed in the bathroom and showered. I was thankful to God that I could still do this independently with the help of the aids that the occupational therapist had recommended.

When I was finished with my shower and changing, Joy brought my wheelchair. "Wonderful."she stated. She had brought a blow dryer and began to style my hair. The slow stroking of the brush on my scalp made me feel like I was in a health spa.

"Now," she said, "we are going to do make-up." It had been over ten years since I had last worn makeup. She put the foundation on my cheeks, nose, and chin. Starting with the nose she started blending it in with her pad. The pad felt so gentle as it rubbed against my skin.

Next she put on the blush applying it in a similaar way to the foundation except using a make-up brush and different areas. The powder came next as she applied it lightly over my face sweeping the make-up brush. It had been so long since I had been touched in this way.

"Now for the eyes!" Joy exclaimed. She gve me different directions as she painted them with various colors and mascara.

Lovingly she bent down to my level in my chair. She put her hand on my shoulder. It felt so warm and calming. "Oh my! You look absolutely gorgeous!" she exclaimed. Her eyes were staring deep into mine. It was at that moment I realized what I loved most about Joy with me being so overweight.

"You are the only one who looks at me and doesn't turn away." I said as tears ran down my cheeks most likely smudging my mascara. My heart was filled with such a deep wounding remembering how many times people looked at me then quickly turned away.

Joy explained, "That is because you have such gorgeous eyes and your eyes are the windows of your soul!"

I have never forgot that day or my friend Joy. Each day, no matter how I am feeling, after I wake up I have a shower.